sneaking,
secretively seeking
snorting lines.
keeping mints
keeping it lit
drying out lips
charring within.
a habit too lit to unlit.
too delusional to give a shit.
once, twice, moderation, frequently, openly
timeline of a lifetime
gone in a blink of an eye.
reaching out for a cigarette
after 5 am sex.
can’t fall to bed
without fueling the fire.
smoked up till the very last puff.
choked on it and called it cough.
realized, how the hands couldn’t stop
even when there is no intention to touch.
Thought there was power over it,
thought it was the choice that could be easily undone.
who would have known
it would become a habit
when there was no intention to keep one.
an unwanted habit,
giving adrenaline rush at first,
then the choke of guilt build up.
Knew it was the last cigarette,
31st last cigarette of the month.
aaumsy 