Flashbacks

You found me abruptly, out of context
On a Sunday afternoon.
In between the lines I was writing
about an unrelated topic.

And soon I was relapsing,
on the sequence, the sex
the songs, the scene,
and the silence that stared at my face.

running the glimpses through my head.
I flip back, back to now
no point reliving the pain.
..

You found me soon,
while reading some news
and every Instagram post
about someone else.

and it builds up, and builds up
the rage, the need to lash out
the heart rate,
the need to shout.

Visuals of contemplating actions
on the bathroom floor
rush to the brain,
wait, how did I find myself here again?
..

You found me slowly,
in banter with friends,
the close ones,
who knew what happened and where.

"the eyes that couldn't meet mine,
the words that mouthed an escape plan
in a hope to forget
and make me forget."

Oh but don't you always remember
what you try so hard to forget.
But not going down this spiral,
not again.
..

You found me before sleep,
after going to bed
and lingered like a silent movie
playing itself.

dead,
just as my "Nos and Can'ts"
that gradually silenced themselves.

DAMN YOU FLASHBACKS
when will you stop finding me
when will you stop,
and do you ever find them?
..